Inspired.

I'm glad I'm someone who takes things to heart. I always here people say, "just let it roll off your back," or, "it's really not that big of a deal," when people seems to let their emotions get in the way. I've never been able to do that, just get over something.

There are things, yes, like the fact that this M&M bag only has a few morsels in it, but I couldn't get over the craving for them.

It took me most of my life, really until college to figure out why the little things bother me so much. Why my biggest pet peeve is someone cancelling plans that we made. It's because I put my heart into every thing that I do.


I take pride in what I have accomplished, what my friends and family have accomplished, and most importantly, what I can do for others. I may not be the first one to volunteer at a local shelter, but believe that when I'm there I'm making the best of my experience.


Inspiration comes from places you don't always expect it, but they're usually pretty timely. I had two encounters with inspiration yesterday, and I'm excited that it came when it did.


We had the first of a series of "Roundtable Discussions" yesterday as an intern class. This is the first time that the HR department has held something like this, though it's been in the works for years. The topic of discussion was: "Professionalism and how to excel in the workplace." Simple enough, right?


We all filed into the "Draft Room" at two o'clock yesterday, in our clean, pressed shirts and notepads. I giggled a little as people took rapid notes like there was going to be a test, while I focused on retaining the information and treating it like a real-world discussion, not a lecture.


We covered a lot of good topics, asked questions we may have normally felt weird to ask and even had moments of, "oh thank the Lord someone else made that mistake too." I have to say I think it was great.


The inspiration for me didn't come until the very end, however. My saint, as I have previously referred to her, Chanda, said something that made me look at myself. She was trying to decide what generation our class comes from, and I can't remember what she thought it was, but what she said about it is what got me.


"I think you guys are from the generation that is described as thinking they 'deserve' something," she said-ish. That's rrreeeaaalllyyy roughly paraphrased but it's what got me.

To most 20-something's that would be offensive. But when she asked us to think about that, and evaluate ourselves I thought, "you're right." I can't say that I've thought that everything should be laid out on a platter for me, but I haven't really realized how my work up to this point hasn't really mattered to anyone. Yes, it's gotten me from point-a, to b, to c, but it hasn't held my position in this world like I'm wanting. It's up to me to get there.


Now, you may read this and think, "that's not what she is getting at at all," but it's how I took it. It's a realization I needed to make for myself, to be happy doing the work I am, until I get to where the work is what I want.


"If I don't show them... how will they know?"


A note I scribbled to myself when I got back to my desk. I may choose to make it more prominent in my cube, but for now it works for me. It was a very honest "wow" moment, and there it is.
Yes, I may be talented, and the work I do is the best I can do, and it's very capable of meeting a lot of high standards, but my opportunity will come... in time. "Some day," as I wrote on Twitter, is exactly how I feel about when things will come together for me, but that's not an IF either, it's a WHEN.


Why then, if I know it's coming in time, would I not make the best of this situation, put my heart into it for every second. I do not think by any stretch that I have been slacking here, but I've taken a different aspect on what it is I'm doing here.

In conjunction with this meeting, the thought from Chanda and what I got out of it, I read a blog by Jen Croneberger, the Mental Training Coach for the Force, and I was floored at a quote she included.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives viantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid sould who know neither victory nor defeat."--Theodore Roosevelt

Amazing.


So, I'm going to keep working. I'm going to let go the thought that I have worked and should be somewhere, and keep working. I don't think that I have failed, but I'm not afraid of it. Maybe it's because I'm still confident in what I can do, and someone soon will see that.


I'm never going to take my heart out of it. I will not let things roll off my back. I refuse to settle.

The quote posted in my cube.

Thanks, Jen. Thanks, Chanda.